A THANKSGIVING WISH

America should proclaim a new national High Holy Day: June 25, the anniversary of the Little Big Horn. On that day, we will all whoop and holler and don paint and feathers and little children will go door to door chanting Lakota war chants and demanding “heap whiskey” in exchange for not torching the house and tomahawking everyone inside and we will all have backyard buffalo barbecues with squash and pumpkin and succotash and retailers will benefit hugely from advance sales of Yellow Hair wigs (for ease of scalping) and decorated lodgepoles for the front yard and cards wishing near and dear ones a joyous First Americans Day.

There, now we're even.

On June 26, everyone will rush out to buy deep discounted Fourth of July fireworks and beach gear. (Only eight days left!)

Y'all dig in now and remember to save room for pumpkin pie.

--November 2006